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"Start each day with a positive thought and a grateful heart.". Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. 57. See more ideas about sarcastic, funny quotes, funny. You cant have everything, where would you put it? They planet. 100 Short Positive Affirmations: Keep Repeating Them I have a healthy body, tranquil mind and a vibrant soul. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. 5. 77. The thing is, Im still getting ready. It may feel useless but just get into it. ~ Bill Gates. Its called tomorrow. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Things are getting better all the time. 113. 153. 5. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldnt complain. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. 9. We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. 2. "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. 20. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. Education cost money. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. 118. All you need is love. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. A gummy bear. 1. All you need is love. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. 215. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor.. Why is England the wettest country? 225. We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. 151. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. 19 Positive Affirmations That'll Change the Way You Think I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. Jackie Collins Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. 33. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. 70+ Daily Affirmations That'll Rock Your World - Fun Cheap or Free 9. The world is my buffet, and my plate is ready to go. I live in a loving, nurturing, safe, and beautiful world. 223. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. 20. My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. These affirmations will help you to combat the lies of the enemy in every aspect of your life. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. 1. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? 78. 67. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. 119. 205. 234. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? 150. Ive got three bones. 134. It just plain forms. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 32. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 255. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. 193. Never take life seriously. 87. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. 159. 216. 27. 235. 3. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. 14. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. "If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.". Required fields are marked *. I overcome fears by following my dreams. Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. 98. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. Helen Giangregorio Life always offers you a second chance. 7. 144. I accept my body the way it is today. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. 89. Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". Why become moody when you can shake your booty. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. Funny Affirmation Quotes - ShortQuotes.cc 208. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. I'm sorry, I have to quickly disable alarm level brown. 131. 274. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. Honolulu, its got everything. I am my childs greatest comfort. I will drink my coffee and conquer my day. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. 126. 232. 197. Ted Turner. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. 68. Youll probably grin or laugh if you say these affirmations aloud, thinking youre crazy. 8. 142. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? A quote to live by for when life gets bitter. The thing is, I am still getting ready. 217. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. How do trees access the internet? 154. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. 40. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. Frances McDormand Albert Einstein. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. Exercise? [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. "Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life". My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. 276. 65. 231. Benjamin Franklin. 129. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Honolulu, its got everything. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. Laughter keeps us from taking life too seriously, and life certainly does everything it can to ensure that we take it too seriously. We'll get to that later. Dear universe, Im totally open to all of the amazing things coming my way., See also: 120 Best Spiritual Universe Quotes To Contemplate Life. 1. 172. 226. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? 179. 272. I am quite fascinating. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". My mistakes dont define me. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . 174. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. 40 Positive Affirmations to Repeat for Success and Happiness - Oprah Daily My jokes do. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. George Burns, 253. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. 190. - Irish Saying. Sincerely, the floor. I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. You deserve it! 156. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. You never run out of things that can go wrong. 176. A gummy bear. 121. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. The only power you have is the word no. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. Rather, the goal is to help kids recognize the truth, in situations and in themselves. 101. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. Read next: 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset, Posted on Published: January 26, 2023- Last updated: January 27, 2023, Home 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, Fabulous List Of 120 Cute Names To Call Your Crush, 120 Follow Your Dreams Quotes To Keep You On The Track. 49. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Superwoman: single. I did not trip and fall. Steve Martin Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. 233. 194. 55. 265. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. When you feel terrified (without your safety being in danger): 5. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Bill Murray So put on your favorite song, take a deep breath, and say these affirmations during your next tough time for some much-needed positivity! I get up, dress up, and show up. Alison Boulter. Dave Barry. 184. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. Benjamin Franklin I tell you what always catches my eye. Because they make up everything. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. Dave Barry 4. 19. "We . Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. 39. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. 99. Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. 5. I stick to things until I get to my destination. 149. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. Funny Affirmations. Because he was always spotted. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. Bill Murray. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. 2. 118. 120. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. 119 Positive Affirmations For Women To Use Daily - Live Bold and Bloom Friday Affirmations. Steven Alexander Wright Life begins on Friday night. I am just making myself capable enough to live in the moment. - Roy T. Bennett. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. 9. 166. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. Albert King. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. 146. I can't make everyone happy, I'm not tequila. 8. 60 Short & Funny Motivational Quotes to Laugh About - Wealthy Gorilla I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. What is the tallest building in the entire world? 28. Today is a great day. Nothing, they just waved. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. 125. Why is England the wettest country? This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. Excuse me while I go on a ride on the porcelain steamer. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. 207. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. Once youve chosen one of our affirmations or devised your own, its time to put it into practice. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, no matter how small the step. I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. Below youll find a collection of funny affirmations for work that will help you stay motivated and fight the work stress more efficiently. Using affirmations can significantly impact your outlook on life, but saying such serious statements to yourself can often make you feel silly. 275. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. Sam Levenson. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. grateful. 177. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Helen Giangregorio. I am intelligent. Its okay if people dont like me. Charles M. Schulz At night, I cant fall asleep. I dont suffer from insanity. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". 192. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. Not everyone has to like me. I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. I am fine. Cry a river. 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. 119. Robert Bloch. Today, I choose to put on my positive pants. 60 Happy Affirmations That Instantly Make You Feel Better As you walk down the fairway of life you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. 114. 54. I am adventurous. 50 Funny Affirmations for a Daily Dose of Humor - Happier Human It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. 233. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? Today, I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. 25 Daily Mantras For Positive Thinking | Positive Creators .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. I always find something funny in every situation. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? 16. I try to see the funny side of every situation. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". 249. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. 33 Humorous Affirmations [The Best Ones] 191. My liver still works. So, watch your words, restructure your thoughts, and stay positive if you want to see a change in your life. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. 44. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Every time I like the taste of the food, I am damn sure that its unhealthy for me. 107. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield. 88. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. Breasts dont have eyes. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? 23. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. 277. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. Affirmations can be written in a journal, spoken out loud, or visualized as a conversation between you and money. 88. Steve Martin, 254. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. And a funny bone. As a result, youll stay consistent, and with affirmations, consistency is the name of the game. 224. Not everyone has good taste., 3. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? 194. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? Its okay, he woke up. Marriage is like a walk in the park, Jurassic Park. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? 83. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. I didnt want to interrupt her. Ive been doing nothing for years. 257. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. 203. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. 56. 173. 37. 183. Your values become your destiny. Dont worry about those who talk behind your back, theyre behind you for a reason., See also: The Best List Of 130 People Talk Behind Your Back Quotes. 9. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. 1. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat. Pat Sajak I am attractive just as I am. What do computers eat for a snack? Because someone is always sitting on the deck. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. Envelope. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. Rome wasnt built in a day. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried., 136. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. Best friends eat your food. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. 26. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. 105. 63. Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. 273. Cindy from Marzahn Love your enemies. Short Funny Sayings The rest are too expensive. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. Best friends eat your food. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. 1. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. 144. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. 185. 178. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. Top 40 Best Funny Affirmations To Make Your Day (2023) 164. 52. 49. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. Exercise? Albert Einstein, 190. I thought you said extra fries. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. I breathe in and out. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Chris Rock, 256. 44. 7. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. 122. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? 100+ weird quotes that make no sense at all but are funny Good morning! 109. 137. 2. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? So far, so good. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. 121. 82. 62. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. As I become responsible, I have got more powers. 40. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. Everyone recognizes how positive emotions can affect attitude and overall health. The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. Short Positive Affirmations set the pace for your day. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. I did not trip and fall. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. With a cowculator. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! My windows arent dirty, my dog is painting. 32. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. 3. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny., 4. 155. You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces. 41. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. 209. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks., 3. Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. Bill Murray, 251. 226. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.